Chivalry in the 21st Century

I recently read with amusement the blog of a young woman who derided the habit of European men to have ladies exit the elevator before them. Funny that this should be upsetting!

I have had the chance to grow up in a relatively non-discriminatory society. Here, women are prone of course to accept lower remuneration for their work than men and to carry main responsibility for the home … , but otherwise men and women are considered equals. Pretty sound and healthy. At the same time the consensus has become that practices that defy symmetry between the sexes, including all expressions of male chivalry, are outdated. What a pity!

Because I have also had the chance to experience the old fashioned European courtesy manners, and even if it took a while for them to grow on me, I now find them delightful. Frankly, what woman would object to having a guy show her some reverence and respect for her feminity? Should she in any way feel threatened if a man was to show her how conscious he was of her womanhood? Or patronized? Or put down? Or disregarded? Or made fun of? By all means, no. Enjoy it, girls! Especially if it’s becoming so rare …

There are a few gestures that I always appreciate, even if I will admit that they are not necessarily crucial:

• If a man opens a door for me, especially when I’m all dressed up, and even more flattering will be to get an admirative look as well.
  
• If a man stands up to greet me or salute me, when I enter or leave a place, instead of sitting like a potato-bag giving me at most a slight nod. The former somehow makes me feel important (and I wonder why …)
  
• If a man, at a bar or a party, offers to fetch the drinks (even if I’m paying). In particular, I don’t find it very ladylike to have to fight my way to a counter to get a drink to hold. If a man can spare me that experience, I’ll be grateful.
  
• If a man has me precede him into a room, into a restaurant, or into a row of seats. Or even out of the elevator, since we were talking of it. Also, if there’s a crowd, I think I’d rather have the man follow me, than to try to keep up with him or see him evaporate into the crowd.

There are those I find a little irrelevant, although occasionally they might be cute:

• When a guy wants to pull out the chair for me.
  
• When a guy insists to hold the car door for me at all times.
  
• When a guy wants to hold the umbrella for me (especially if it’s awkward, because it might be raining to hard, or hardly raining at all, or because the guy is so short that he keeps poking my face with it …)

Then there are those examples of lack of courtesy that I abhor:

• When a man slams a door in my face, as if I was ‘see-through’. Especially if the door is heavy and/or my hands are full.
  
• When the man sitting next to me at a dinner table is handed a course and instead of passing it on puts it out of reach for me. (“Come on, do you really want me to beg?”)
  
• Also, at the dinner table, when I have the bad fortune of sitting next to a man who pours his glass all the time, but never offers to pour mine, even if it’s empty.
  
• When a guy I only know moderately asks me out and then doesn’t offer to pay, even if I was planning on paying my share. Or worse, takes off to the bathroom and leaves me with the check when the check is brought. Or begs me to excuse himself for having left his wallet at home.
  
• When somebody comes up to me to offer something or ask something, and a man interrupts or cuts me short.
  
• When a man pretends to want to help me into my coat but then drops it before I can grab it.

In brief, I am bound to resent anything that prevents me from acting like a lady or puts me out of my ease. Not because I don’t value my independence or the equality of rights, or because I don’t share feminist opinions, but simply because life is so much more pleasant when everybody aims to please. Most of the time it doesn’t cost much, so why discount it ?

Photo Hosting

I have been looking into the things one can add to a web log to make it more sophisticated. It’s clear to me that in due time this page will have to contain regular upgrades to new photos. So I have been looking for appropriate sites for (preferrably free, or at least cheap) hosting of photos. I had an old account with WebShots, other photo hosting sites I looked at are VillagePhotos, ShutterFly (essentially for prints, not quality displays) and SmugMug, and VillagePhotos actually looks convenient for small scale private photo hosting. The latest one I came across was flickR, with more features than I have had time to familiarize myself with yet.

But, I would be most thankful for any advice. Any!

Math Champions

So, I got my five minutes of fame with Fields medalist Timothy Gowers on Friday. Actually a bit more than five minutes. At the same time I was appalled by the fact that media showed minimal interest in the visit of a world famous mathematician. Would they have shunned a Nobel prize winner in literature, economics, or medicine? I doubt it. What makes one think that a mathematician of the highest abilities would have any less to say? Especially when it is question of such an eloquent and philosophical speaker as our Tim Gowers? I mean, have you journalists given it a thought where we would be today without mathematics? We would be living in the Stone Age, that’s where we would be! And I bet you wouldn’t be very comfortable with that. For starters, you would have to part with your cell phone, and how would you fancy that … ! So, what’s the deal? Were you afraid you wouldn’t understand? Or, that you wouldn’t know which questions to ask? Because, as mathematicians know, that’s kind of the most important part, isn’t it.

But well, I guess I shouldn’t torture myself with this. At least I was there. And the meeting was probably on pair, or almost, with the day I met Andrew Wiles and had the opportunity to say a few very unintelligible words to him before I discomposed myself by asking his autograph on a new dollar bill. Or the day I had lunch with Paul Erdös (see The Man Who Loved Only Numbers) and my professor in this little Vietnamese restaurant by Boulevard Raspail, where surprisingly enough the conversation quickly turned from mathematics to table tennis ...

A Different Kind of Hero

I’m waiting to go to a lecture this afternoon and I suddenly realize I’m feeling jitters. Why? Well, because we are having Fields medalist Tim Gowers come up here give this talk. That’s so exciting to me, as exciting as it would be for a football fan to meet with David Beckham, for a militant to spend a moment with Hilary Clinton, for a flamenco fan to see Joaquín Cortés on stage, for a pop music addict to meet Björk – no, maybe not, let’s say Chris Martin, singer of Coldplay (or am I still far off?), … , for an upcoming writer to converse with José Saramago.

What/who are our ‘role models’ anyway? One of my big heroes when I was younger used to be Mahatma Gandhi, for the concept of ‘civil disobedience’. I also used to have Albert Einstein´s picture above my bed, on whatever grounds that was. As for our heroes, past and present, I guess I’d choose the ones that strive for peace, but who are they then - meaning, among those who didn’t get killed yet? After that I’d probably want to show my admiration for the people who furnished us with all the elements of comfort we’ve grown so accustomed to. (Yet sometimes with big impairments to our environment …) Then those that make my life better by creating beauty all around me. And of course my mom, for turning out an almost normal person in me. Will be back later with my heroes …

Phrases I Hate

• Something terrible just happened.
  
• I have bad news for you, ...
  
• There is something I have to tell you.
  
• You ain’t gonna like it, but ...
  
• If it's of any consolation to you, ...
  
• It’s not you, it’s me.
  
• I don’t know what I think.
  
• It’s not what you said, but the way you said it.
  
• As you like.
  
• If you have to do it ...

Sea, Sex and Sun OR Chill, Quiver and Cold

All summer long, my man has been indulging in the sea (but no sex!) and sun of California, while I have been lucky enough to enjoy a few cool, pleasant days up here by the artic circle. All the same, I can sincerily assert that I haven’t felt any envy. He can sweat all he wants, he can swim all he wants, he can tan all he wants. He may even eat ice cream all he wants, what do I care. I’ve had my pretty view out of my office window while working away, and I have had those nice sunday mornings on my veranda. Unfortunately, that’s all over now. Only a week ago we had a storm that blew a roof of a house, we had landslides cut roads off, we got rain for two weeks in a row and the wind has been howling outside my window. Not exactly cozy. While down in California, they go about as normal. It’s probably only a matter of time until it will become feasible enough. I am even going to be willing to admit it ...

Is Blog Graphomania ...

... Nuisance of the Internet Age OR Active Democracy?

I had a long conversation with ‘my better half’ last night about the blogging frenzy. He claims, or at least vaguely hopes, that self acclaimed political bloggers will eventually become a force to be reckoned with. That the internet itself may become an arena for independent political candidates. That bloggers will put pressure on politicians, by doing what journalists should normally do, that is: fact checking and rectifying when politicians make false statements, furnishing thorough information - delving into issues by doing historical and background research, voicing people’s opinions – especially when they are in contradiction with those of the people in power. It is a fact that journalists often fail to do this because this kind of journalism doesn’t always sell newspapers and/or commercials, and may disturb the governing forces.

But will the bloggers do the job? That is the question I ask myself. Because on the contrary, the internet already carries so many voices and so much irrelevant personal material, that I wonder if it’s not going to submerge the more valuable writings. Already, every other person wants to tell his/her life story on the internet, despite the fact that it will probably not be of interest except for at most the 10-20 persons that surround that blogger. We are by and large suffering, if not from pure narcissism, then at least from a severe case of ‘graphomania’.

One of my favourite authors, Milan Kundera, first in his novel ‘The Book of Laughter and Forgetting’ and later in the essay ‘The Art of the Novel’, denounced graphomania, way before its outburst on the internet. He says graphomania is a compulsion "to express oneself," regardless of whether this expression serves any practical function. According to Kundera “Graphomania … takes on the proportions of a mass epidemic whenever society develops to the point where it can provide three basic conditions: 1. a high enough degree of general well-being to enable people to devote their energies to useless activities; 2. an advanced state of social atomisation and the resultant general feeling of the isolation of the individual; 3. a radical absence of significant social change in the internal development of the nation. (in this connection [he finds it] symptomatic that in France, a country where nothing really happens, the percentage of writers is twenty one times higher than in Israel)”. It is probably safe to say that with the Internet we have reached the ‘Age of Graphomania’. But again, according to Kundera, “mass graphomania itself reinvents and aggravates the feeling of general isolation. The invention of printing originally promoted mutual understanding. In the era of graphomania the writing of books has the opposite effect: everyone surrounds himself with his own writings as with a wall of mirrors cutting off all voices from without …”.

Not that I don’t understand the impulse of writing. I myself have reflected on the reasons I have for carefully storing and classing my personal mail, as well as my old diaries. What are my intentions with these writings? Am I going to spend my old age reading through those? Or am I wistfully preparing for someone to stumble upon them once I ‘am gone’. And Kundera described it even better: “For everyone is pained by the thought of disappearing, unheard and unseen, into an indifferent universe, and because of that everyone wants, while there is still time, to turn himself into a universe of words.”

What will be classical when?

A prediction I made ten years ago partly came true last night. Before I explain it, let’s go back ten years: At the time I had just begun to carry interest in recent art music or contemporary music. I was deep into 20th century music, but my knowledge of it still barely covered but the first half of the century and I was quite inept as far as the music of the 90s went. I only slightly knew some music by Alfred Schnittke and Einojuhani Rautavaara, as well as having come across the hits of Henryk Gorecki and Arvo Pärt and indirectly the film music of Zbigniew Preisner. I still had some sort of a premonition that I probably was missing out on something. But when I bought tickets to the symphony that night, for a concert starring Gidon Kremer as solist, I had no idea where this was going to lead me in musical findings later on. On the program was this ‘fresh from the oven’ violin concerto of John Adams. I had never even heard of a composer John Adams before, as common as the name may sound. But I had a great view of Gidon Kremer as he started to play and as he played the music cast a spell on me. “So this is what they are doing nowadays, them composers”, I thought. “Oh, my oh my, I will have to get me some more of that. For sure.” The music was somehow familiar, yet so fresh and so different. I found the first movement intriguing and interesting, the second movement mesmerizing and the third movement rousing and exciting. My heart pounded and at times I even had to fight tears that sprang to my eyes. This was ‘good stuff’. I later purchased a recording of this concerto (as soon as it was out, that is, the performance I had heard had actually been a ‘premiere’ on the European continent) and when I did it only confirmed me in my belief that this work would end up a classic of the 20th century. Now, hearing Laila Josefowicz’s rendering of it in concert last night (ten years later) gives me credit again. Her performance was fiery, passionate and engaged. The reception fervent and enthusiastic. I hope to be able to witness the same thing in ten years again. This concerto has come to stay!

Flat

I only have so much time left now to attend to my appartment before I might have to part with it. I have been meaning to renovate my bathroom for a while and if I get hold of a reliable plumber I’ll want to change the toilet and the sink and fix a couple of radiators, one in my bathroom, one in my study. Since I don’t have any money to do this anyway, I might as well fix an appointment with my cousin as well and see if he will be willing to paint my windows that are so long due. I might even be tempted to use him for some further paintwork in my kitchen, my bedroom and on my balcony.

Sounds a little silly to be improving my flat just to leave it in good shape. I’m going to miss it. Not because it’s so modern, or because it’s so spacious, or because it’s so elegantly furnished, or because I spend so much time in the garden, but because it feels good, because it’s warm and cozy, because it’s cute, because the kitchen is homely, because the bathroom is tiny, because of the light that enters it at different angles, from bright morning sun to pink sunset, because of my funny little closets and the mysterious attic, because of the fresco in the bedroom that my nephews fascinate in, because of the shiny tiles in the kitchen and the dark parquet on the living room, because of my little terrace where I can take breakfast in summer, because of the beautiful, majestic laburnum under my balcony, because I can see the stars and the northern lights straight up through my roof windows, because it’s in such a nice house on such a pretty street, because it’s at the top of the world, because I can see roof tops, the ocean, mountains and glacier out my window, including Bláfjöll, Esja and Snæfellsjökull, because the wind makes spooky sounds under the roof in a storm, because everything I need is within walking distance, because I know my way home to it.

Actually, I probably never ever want to leave it, now that I think of it.

Pros and Cons of Living

I have been writing about pros and cons. There are always bound to be pros and cons. I know that. But which outweigh the others? Or do they even out? Writing up a few of each, this week and last week, the funny thing was that the pros came flowing out of my head. For each of the options I was writing about. It was much harder to come up with cons. Again, for each of the options I was writing about.

I’m a perpetual nostalgic. There is no such thing as a change that doesn’t engender regrets of some sort. Or a choice that doesn’t imply an exclusion. There just happen to be a lot of ‘either or’s in life. And one thing is sticking to your choice, another is coming to terms with the fact that you’re not likely to ever find out what would have been, had your choice been different …

Time has three dimensions. The trick is to live harmoniously and simultaneously in your present, past and future. I claim my right to indulge in reminiscence, recollections, remembrances. I also claim my right to think ahead and put order into parts of my life before they come to me …

Pros and Cons of Living in San Diego - part II

TEN CONS:

• It’s sooo far away from home. Traveling between the two is both long and expensive.
  
• The job market is tough, and I might have to accept being without a job for a little while, whereas here I have one. Also, it’s a different lifestyle there, where employees are for instances not granted five weeks vacation per year or nine months maternity leaves …
  
• It doesn’t feel like a secure place but a rather insecure one. Human rights are losing ground, foreign policy is not winning America any friends and war times might be imminent.
  
• The culture may be a little flat and homogenous down there, but well, that is for me to find out …
  
• It’s a big city with all that entails: traffic jams, difficult to get things done, high cost of living, …
  
• The time difference with home (8 hours in winter) makes contact with friends and family discommodious.
  
• They don’t get any winter there, no snow, no cozy, pitch dark days, no atmospheric Christmas season.
  
• I’ll miss the water, the fish, the lamb, … from home.
  
• I won’t see my nephews and experience their pranks.
  
• I’ll have to change my ways and rethink my situation as to whether/how long to keep my lovely, cozy appartment, give up my car for half its worth, etc …

Pros and Cons of Living in San Diego - part I

TEN PROS:

• Christian’s there.
  
• The area houses a lot of Software and Biotechnology companies and could therefore have interesting jobs in store.
  
• There are many fascinating places to visit around there.
  
• It’s pretty, there’s the ocean, and the mountains and the city itself is clean and well kept.
  
• There’s a very pleasant climate and I’ll be able to wear a summer dress and walk feet naked all year round, picnic and barbecue, practice lots of outdoor activities ...
  
• I’ll be able to try all sorts of new hobbies there, like surfing, climbing, biking, sailing ...
  
• People will come to visit me ALL the time, once I’m living abroad!
  
• Many things are cheaper down there, like gas, eating out, ...
  
• I’ll get a chance to brush up my english, and maybe eventually go back to school.
  
• It’s gonna be interesting to try experiencing America and american society from within.

Pros and Cons of Living in Elf Land - part II

TEN CONS:

• It’s small. I’m not sure why exactly that’s a bad thing, but it is, believe me.
  
• The weather can be so boring, in particular the wind and the rain that sometimes limit one’s enthousiasm for outdoor activities.
  
• The object of my affection is far and away, and not likely to make this location his place of choice for a while.
  
• It’s expensive: so many things are way more expensive than they need or should be. In particular traveling, ... and groceries, more precisely fruits and vegetables.
  
• It’s isolated, meaning that I can’t exactly take my car and drive into the adventure to meet new lands and new cultures.
  
• The job opportunities are limited. There are only so many companies around and then they will always be of limited size with limited resources and limited opportunities.
  
• We don’t honestly get a real summer here. Bright nights, yes, but warm summer nights when you can put on a light summer dress and sandals, no!
  
• There is a certain lack of privacy here. Not because it’s so crowded but on the contrary we are so few. Everybody knows everybody, or almost. You don’t need to be a celebrity for people to think they can form themselves an opinion on you without even having met you.
  
• Up here we kind of lack the perspective of a person that may think he/she understands ‘the big world’. We have a very naive view of the state of the world, of politics and history. One might be able to argument that in order to gain this ‘understanding of the big world’ it might be necessary to experience living abroad.
  
• Having wine with dinner here is a luxury: First of all, you can only buy it in the State’s Monopoly liquor stores that have restricted distribution and opening hours. Secondly, a bottle of wine is outrageously expensive, the cheapest wines cost probably around ten times as much as they do in France. Not to speak of restaurants where prices are ridiculous.

Pros and Cons of Living in Elf Land - part I

TEN PROS:

• The support of my family: everyone’s within reach and I can alway count on them. It is also incredibly fun to watch my nephews as they grow up.
  
• The society is small and human, quiet and clean. It makes me feel safe. And it’s easy to get things done, because helpfulness, flexibility and tolerance are inherent.
  
• The quality of life is good. The air is clean, the food is good, the comfort level is high and human rights are held in respect.
  
• It’s easy for me to prove my worth, when looking for a job for example. I have lots of contacts and references.
  
• I’m at home in traditions and culture. It’s my culture, I understand it and am emotionally attached to it. I have the insight required to take fully part in it and I love all the wonderful quirks of it.
  
• The landscapes in this country are so beautiful, the colours are quite amazing, so pure and striking. And the light, the hues and the scenery are ever changing.
  
• The distances here are manageable. It’s easy to get out of town for a change of atmosphere and to do stuff like camping, hiking, or hanging out in a little hut somewhere secluded. Also, I can hop on a plane and be in Europe within three hours, if I feel like spending a weekend in an old city on the continent.
  
• There is some kind of a diversity born from the fact that, this being a small country we look upon the outside world a lot. From this springs also a certain precious openmindedness. As a result, I don’t feel isolated but informed. On a different scale, all kinds of entertainment, art and performances are available to me in a much bigger degree than if I was living in a big city, because they are reachable and affordable.
  
• The climate is temperate, has a lot of variety but no extremes. Then I mean that it’s never too hot and it’s never too cold (you may think it is but then you’re probably just not properly dressed). The seasons range from mild summers where the sun doesn’t go down to (again) mild winters, dark and lush, with the occasional snow fall. Oh, and Christmas to crown it, with its plethora of lights.
  
• The water: Could I live without the fresh, clean water I drink from the tap, without the water around us from which we draw all this delicious seafood and the hot water from the natural springs that provides us with heating for our homes and with these great swimming pools and hot pots?