Four Visits and a Funeral ...

Was to my first funeral in America this weekend. It was a service for the Serbian husband of a relative of C's. It was kind of different from what I'm used to. (And I've done a few funerals this year, believe me.) The service took place in a Serbian Orthodox church in Las Hambras on the outskirts of Los Angeles. It dragged a little, went on for about 90 minutes with lots of chanting, in serbo-croatian, and some odd verses in english. But the church was so compelling, so colorful and decorated. The incense however (and the heat, 'cause this was a hot day) gave me a headache. The burial itself took place in Orange County. Also serbian style. And long. I'm sure though that the man who passed away was both a very interesting and very intriguing person. I could tell that C. was immeasurably impressed by him. However, the things he told me about him couldn't but make my mind wander to the father's story in Big Fish (the Tim Burton movie from 2003). C's mom then told me something that confirmed my intuition. The stories that guy had told C each time as C was a child, those stories had been meant to impress. Funny how a woman's perspective on a (mortal) man is often so much different ...

We then were invited to the widow's house afterwards, for refreshments. Met a lot of family there. C's family, I mean. C's unusual serbo/danish relatives in the U.S. People drank a lot. I'm not exactly used to that at funerals. And they came across as extremely nationalistic. At least the serbian part of them.

The funeral took up the whole day of Saturday, driving included. Since we were up in Orange County, we got to spend the night a Jake's. He had a few of his and C's friends over. They weren't particularily lively when we arrived though. Crunched on the sofa with their beers and their baseball game on TV. And frankly didn't make much conversation, aside from some remarks on Paris Hilton's sex life and the good ol' beer kegs they used to have in college. They were also already sleeping by ten o'clock that night. Sort of exactly as I remembered them from last time, last year. I am told though that during the week they live very active lifes, all hot shot lawyers making tons of dough ...

The day before the funeral we had been up in Oceanside, to see C's sister G and her kids. Actually, all his sisters were gathered there, at a beachhouse they had rented for the week. We played with the kids half the day and went out for dinner on the harbour.

The day after, we drove from O.C. down to Temecula, where C's sister P had invited us for a barbecue. And again, "everybody" was there. Another good day of playing with the kids, doing minigolf, go-karts and bumber boats. Good fun for a family which really needed it. Still, everybody´s thoughts were probably with the one whose absence this weekend was overwhelming ...

Belongings Delayed, on Sea or Land?

My shipment, i.e. the stuff I shipped here, will be delayed at least one week. Got that sorted out today. Because they need a copy of a document they forgot to ask for when I did the paperwork three weeks ago. I contacted three people at the shipping company back home, none of whom was of any use. They´d left me a message at my old phone back home saying that my things couldn't be shipped. Luckily tho' they were! I called their agency here in Virginia and got the information I needed. Will just need to wait a little longer for my things because they're gonna need to be x-rayed ...!?!

I soon found out after my arrival here that I probably didn't have enough light wear. Therefore I'm eagerly waiting for the boxes I shipped with all my dresses, skirts, light pants, tops and such. In the meantime, my dear husband took me to Nordstrom's Rack last weekend to shop for clothes. I got three Calvin Klein quarter length pants there, a cotton-stretch white shirt, a nice light viscose long-sleeve top and a couple of cute underwear for just over a 100 bucks. A little something so that I can walk around being all sassy 'till the rest of my clothes arrives ...

The Waiting Room

It´s just killing me not to get going with my work. Spent another unfruitful day trying to call technicians that might help me, writing e-mails that didn't get replies or to which I got replies that were besides the point. I am so tired of not being productive. Feel like a tourist on a vacation void of sights or fun. Or as if in a waiting room for somebody with whom I don't have an appointment. I just need to get my work going. Desperately. Apparently, on saturday I will get a cable connection installed at home. That might make life a little easier. Kind of sick of marching up and down campus all day with my laptop, the battery charger, my books and my lunch on my shoulder. Still haven't found a really cozy place to sit down. The library isn't, plus it's freezing cold. Outside it's too bright for my computer screen. And it´s actually kind of windy and foggy often for the first part of the day. The Price Center, with the food courts, has some places and tables to sit, but it's so crowded and noisy. And even, wherever I would sit down, it´s not MY spot, so each time I have to visit the bathroom I will also have to pack my bags, shut down the computer, unplug it and pack. Then once I´m back from getting a sip of water or whatever I will have to start all over again, find a seat where I can plug in, reboot, log in and all that ...

I´m a homeless person, so to speak. To the point where I´m missing my cubicle from work. Oh, and the coffee machine.

I knew it ...

Learning about the people: "Hi!"

I´m definitely learning new things about the Americans every day. Among the first things I noticed when I had gotten off the plane in Minneapolis (and through immigration, thus freed from all my worries of sequestration) the day I arrived was the casual welcome from everybody. It's "Hi!". Not "Hello" or "Good morning"/"Good day"/"Good evening", but a quick "hi". That's all. I later realized that they'll bid you goodbye equally abruptly. They'll say "thank you, goodbye, have a nice day" faster than you can decipher the words and take notice of the fact that they're not into you anymore but moved on to another task. It´s a bit stressing, but the good thing is that even if you don´t keep up with them, it doesn´t mean a thing, and it will definitely not result in them taking offence. Good manners is not an issue here. Nobody cares. A mechanical "thank you" is the most anyone will expect of you and it doesn't even need to be followed by body language, i.e. you don´t need to look at or acknowledge the person even if you find reason to thank her. It´s expedious, uncomplicated and very efficient.

Hi! How are you nice to meet you thank you have a good day!

A Long Vacation ?

Being here feels like vacation. No schedules or order (yet! but hopefully will be soon), I hardly know what time it is or even what day, let alone if it's a weekend or not. But today IS on a weekend. I think? C. is attending some conference all day. I'm wasting time as usual, because I don't know any better and nothing of the things I would like to do are working. Yet.

Also, there's the sun all the time. And it's so hot outside that I wonder how people can even get work done when they´re supposed to.

And everybody´s speaking a foreign language. And everybody´s looking different. I mean, different from me. They come in all the colours though, here. I´ve even seen girls who had a sunburn, just like me ...

So, my life's a little in the air. I don't feel the least useful.

On another note, actually, I hardly exist here. I´m trying to tackle practicalities like opening a check account, getting a debet card, a social security number, getting a phone and a cable connection, a driver´s licence. People look at me very incredulously wherever I go. Who is she? Where's she from? - Sorry, you don't have any credit history! Does it matter that I've been in charge of my life and my finances for twenty years? No! You're nobody to us.

So, it´s like starting all over again. From the bottom of the heap. And not only does everybody look at you as if you were a nothing, you also know you are; because you still ain't got that net connection with your work goin' ...

Picking Up the Thread

I´m way behind now. I´ve lost a week in moving, travelling, jetlagging, settling down, adapting, and then looking at, speculating on, and finally purchasing a new laptop computer. I didn´t set up a home internet connection yet either, I´m just using a wireless connection on the fly. On campus actually. The campus that´s gonna be mine with the fall. Lots of things have happened in the last seven days. LOTS of things. I will need some time to catch up on everything. I´d like to jot down some notes about my entry into America, my reunion with C, our trip to Rosarito, our new life and all that. I´ll probably have to do it in bits though. Oh, yes, and looking forward to uploading some new photos from these new settings.

I wish I got my work going. Haven´t quite gotten to run the connection from the VPN client but I´m gonna try again tomorrow. I lost a few days down in Mexico, for sure. But I/we needed it ...

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

1 ...

This is the worst day, by far. The pressure is like this: basically everything needs to get done today! I was going to spend the early morning moving some minor items. Well, the minor items were quite a few, meaning: more than 4 car loads. I really had to empty the flat so that it could be cleaned. Otherwise, the moving yesterday went quite fine. But oh, how tiring this is getting ...

2 ...

Today I was going to have the furniture moved. Then only minor items will be left.

About ten people called me yesterday about my car. Three of them seemed to have serious interest. One came and made a thorough inspection of it last night, one was going to take a look at it today and one was gonna try have someone check it out for him as he doesn't live around here. Some nutcases called as well. One wanted me to drop more than a 100 thousand off the price for his invalid mother-in-law. One wanted my to take the car out to the Red Lion football pub so that he could look at it. Yet another one wanted to make an exchange and dump some carwreck on me instead.

The best would obviously be if I managed to sell it before the weekend. Even if I had to scale the price down a bit in order to do so ...

3 ...

Nothing to do now but count the days. That is, nothing but going to work of course, moving the furniture, taking the rest of my things to storage, selling my car, cleaning the house, backing up my computer, and taking care of some last minute financial aspects. Three days now 'till I leave. Hope they'll let me in without too much trouble.

Shipping

Ah, where was I again? Last week was very hectic. But I managed to ship 36 boxes / 2 palettes / 445 kilos, so now I just need to get myself down there. The move was very uneventful and boring. I still got some furniture to move, that is, once I will have found people to adopt them. Still some paperwork to take care of, but I already handed over most of my financial/treasury responsabilities.

I was gonna move onto the goodbyes, but in fact, over time I've already become so detached and at the same time my folks, family and friends, already consider me "as good as gone". I see now that I probably overestimated my friendships and family ties. I'd made such a huge deal of how difficult it would be to leave the people I felt were close to me, but who knows, maybe I'm not even going to feel the loss. I'm going to make new friends and new bonds. I've just indulged in being a drama queen ... So, finally, there are no big goodbyes ahead, and that's just as well. And on you go!

Outside

I took time off yesterday to run some errands. Went to the police station, the bank, had my picture taken, etc. And walked downtown where the sun was shining. It was kind of warm, yet not. The air had a frosty bite to it. It was refreshing. And so completely liberating. Can't remember the last time I was outside for a stroll, taking the time to look around, watch people and exist.

I must have been looking a little stressed though. The photographer, whom I went to see to do passport photos, first shot one frame, then suggested I put up a smile for the photo. We tried that. I tried to smile, then tried some more. Put on my prettiest smile, but it just came out as if I was retarded ... Then tried to smile a little less, but that didn't work either. Was somehow as if the camera was taking me off guard, as all my photos displayed surprise, or shock. We finally just went with the first photo, the sad and serious one ! So much for "America's Next Top Model", I guess ...

egestatem, potestatem dissolvit ut glaciem.

(poverty and power it melts them like ice.)

It's good to step back sometimes and think about what's important. Well, what is? Uh, dunno, ... ? Spending quality time with people that matter to you, I guess? Making a difference, to somebody? I suppose whatever we do strives towards this goal. In particular when we are working our asses off, to hang on to our jobs, get a promotion or make more money. It's all part of an effort to have better control of our lifes, better control so that we can finally spend our time the way we would like to, instead of spending it simply fulfilling our commitments towards our employer or whomever. It's a tricky balance we're always striving for. And probably unattainable for many ...

What about our interactions with others and/or the feelings/thoughts we keep to ourselves? Do they count for anything? Do good deeds and just actions, even when ignored, add to the collective goodness of the world? Or is it wasted energy?

I was trying to console E. yesterday. It was hard to see her so heartbroken about the loss of her bird. "At least you cared about him", I told her. "And this remains." "It doesn't matter", she said. "He doesn't know that." "Sure it does", I retorted. "Any positive or unselfish thought you have, makes you a better person. And thus, the world a better place." "I don't believe in God, if that's what you're talking about", she answered.

There I was a little stunned. I had chosen my words carefully. Intuitively I knew that the "all animals go to heaven" line was not going to do the trick. No, maybe that’s not what I was talking about, but how come a twelve year old child is already decided she didn’t believe in God ?! I mean, is that good or bad ? Is it of good nature that a child should have such a pragmatic (not to say cynical) approach to life, that she refuses to consider the possibility that there might be a superior being looking after us ?

Life is hard. Even for twelve year olds …

Death of Shadow

E's little Love Bird, Shadow, died. She is devastated. They were so close. She even called him her best friend. I’m not sure how a bird can be your best friend, I mean: how do you even know that he’s your friend. But in E’s case, it almost made sense. Shadow was a great bird. Smart, endearing, funny, sociable, and they did spend a lot of time together. We couldn’t have an outing without her asking “Can I bring Shadow?” He loved to be with us. He would seek to get out of his cage and hang out with us. And when he was in his cage he would play funny tricks, climb, jump, turn upside down.

Even I was beginning to appreciate him. I had bonded with him. And again, how do you bond with a bird? I don’t know exactly. But, he’s there, he comes to you, he looks at you, he talks to you, and you communicate somehow.

Oh, what a pity. He really was a great bird. Irreplaceable. I really feel for E.