Cold Feet

I now think I understand what people are talking about when they speak of marriage jitters. For the last few days it’s been as if the world was falling on my head. Is it only me, or have people been particularily pushy, demanding, impatient, intolerant, lacking understanding, hurried and obnoxious for the last few days. I feel as if I should be reflecting on the commitment I’m about to undertake but there is simply no time to give it a thought. I feel I should have taken the time needed to prepare for the event, prepare for receiving my guests, prepare for looking pretty for my love, prepare my state of mind for this big step I’m about to take, but this time it is just not an option. “Just go with the flow ...” (and hope it won’t show, you’re not ready to go ... Uh, what if he said no?)

I could have sworn the whole universe was working against me. Even the weather’s been stormy and freezing, meaning that I instantly have to prepare my car for the winter, and that it’s almost life threatening to be out running errands ... Work is all of a sudden crazy, my colleagues pester me about all the stuff they could so easily do themselves but won’t because they are so used to me doing it. Then, I worry about money because of unforeseen expenses and the organisations I’m running are losing sponsors and grants. (Why does money have to be an issue in this world anyway!) Then I get a very undeserved ticket on my car because the Fulbright lady has me delayed when I’m running errands. The old lady at the district commissioner’s doesn’t understand anything when I go there to hand in papers. Then this awful cold sore on my lips (that I don’t know how to deal with because I never get them). (Oh, and by the way, did I mention the fact that I’ve gotten fat too!) Then my internet connection isn’t working at all, forcing me to run extra errands, of course. Then I lose my car keys when I’m trying to make it to work early. Then, the next day, my car runs out of batteries. Ayeh, is it any wonder that on top of this I don’t find time to prepare for my test this weekend ...

So, stress, stress and then yet more stress. Why do people ever go through with this at all? Or why should I, for that matter. Hmm, well, because tomorrow I’m gonna be with my sweetie and he’s gonna make everything so right, at least for a while. And it will all be worth it.